Growing up I always wanted to be the provider for my family, and I still do. The belief and goal was the be the man of the family and to take care of your lady by providing for her. You provide for her financially, you have a house to shelter you guys, you protect her physically, you “bring home the bacon”, your work puts food on the table. That was the thought, that was the belief of a boy. So, as a boy I tried to provide for my lady, make sure she is “taken care of”, spiritually, emotionally, I support her and try to guide her on a path that’s best for her. My goal is to be there for you and provide for you, yet when we get into fights my ego takes a hit, because I had to learn the hard way that my job is not to provide for her, it’s to cherish her. How come no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, it’s as if it’s not enough to satisfy her? I’m trying to give her a better life, I’m trying to lead her and guide her to a great life, I want to make her feel safe, comfortable and empowered. I want to help her feel validated, confident and sure of herself.
A boy, is attempting all of these things only to learn that, that’s not my job. That’s not how I am to play my role. My role and my actual duty is to cherish her. God provides. What makes me think that I can take that job, or why do I even think it’s my job? My job is to remind her of not only her provider, but our provider. I am to cherish her along the journey. I’m here to reassure her of this journey. I am here to love her on this journey. She’s right by my side, and I don’t provide for her by my side, I cherish her right by my side.
As a boy, unsure of my actual job & duty, I am trying to master the art of providing. I attempt to provide for her financially, physically and spiritually, but no matter how much I provide for her it will never be enough, because I don’t have what it takes to provide for her. Only God can fulfill that duty.
As a man, I know my role, and I play it well. It’s not my duty to provide for her, it’s not my duty to save her, I’m not her hero, I’m not her savior, I am her husband. I’m her partner. I cherish her, I remind her to fix her eyes on our provider, on our healer, God. I sharpen her as she sharpens me.
In today’s world, though we still have a ground to cover, women can “earn & provide” just as much as men. One could argue that in today’s age, women tend to do the woman & the man’s job. Some woman provide for the family, emotionally & financially, while feeding the family everyday, cleaning, planning, praying, loving and finding time to workout and go shopping. We’ve experienced the “independent woman” evolution as well, and it seems like many women tend to be just as or more educated and career-driven than most men.
The balance is off, women don’t “need” a man, they can do it themselves. That’s cause as a society we, men too often, push this idea that men should be “providing” for our women. We are attempting to lead with our egos instead of our faith. Men, you’re not designed to be a provider, you’re a cherisher. Use your faith to lead and master the art of cherishing.
This is a simple lesson, but one that has changed my life in a major way. Cherishing your wife means, honoring her, respecting her, listening to her. Being there for her and reminding her of her value, pointing her to her faith & our God. In cherishing someone, it’s not something that you can buy, simply & quickly stimulating certain feelings, as you can do when you’re gifting or providing financially or physically for someone. The art of cherishing is subtle. It’s quiet and slow to build its strength. It’s something that is done consistently and intentionally. It’s so much more powerful, and attractive to cherish your lady. The trust, the faith & connection that comes from it is incomparable. The opportunity given to you by you wife to lead her is one of the greatest gifts and blessings you’ll ever receive in your life. This trust, opportunity and ability to lead her on your life journey is not something that should be just given to you simply because you’re the “man of the family”, it’s something you earn by cherishing her. By guiding her to her faith, God’s word, and reminding her that you are not her savior, your savior is the one guiding you and her.
You understand and know things by doing them. You will never know this kind of strength, this kind of empowerment from your relationship with your spouse until you live this out. The day a boy understands the difference between providing & cherishing his lady, is the day the boy becomes a man
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